I can’t believe it took me so long to figure this one out. Was a sitter for an unhappy, withdrawing ETOH-er and things weren’t exactly therapeutic.
Patient: I wanna go home.
Me: Everyone here wants to go home, including all the staff.
Patient: I’m gonna hit you!
Me: No you’re not, that’s not OK.
Patient: I can kick your girlie ass!
Me: Uh-uh…I wouldn’t try. I outweigh most NFL linebackers. I got moves.
Patient: F— you!
Me: No one gets to say the f— word here, except for me, silently, in my head.
Patient: (Sulks silently.)
Me: You want to watch TV?
Patient: F— you.
I turn on the TV, with the objective of distracting the patient. Network news? Ugh, that crap makes me feel agitated…and it isn’t helping the patient. Infomercials? Ugh. (Patient continues to squirm and attempt bed exit maneuvers.)
…What’s this?? C-SPAN! Worth a try…sure enough the melodic, droning sound of the political voices draws Mr. Twitchy’s attention…hey, looks like he’s falling asleep! Whaddya know?
Yet another reason to love this great country! Our unfettered access to the political machinations in our Capitol not only enlightens, but calms.
Remember C-SPAN the next time someone squirmy is trying to clock you…it’s the cat’s pajamas for inducing sleepytime! (Maybe Ativan should be renamed C-SPAN!)