All apologies to David Letterman. . .
10. You write a CNA blog.
9. You’ve worn out your first pair of Danskos.
8. For entertainment value, you find a really epic code brown ranks above a boring code blue – in which where you are almost always next in line for compressions. . .aaaand the code gets called off. . . (not quite “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” but close).
7. You start playing “guess the CBG value – over/under” with your nurses to spice up a shift.
6. You stop hoping for extra shifts. . .
5. You know how to hack the voicemail greeting recording feature on the butt wipes warmer.
4. Your nurses never bring their iPhone charging cable because they know you have one in your pocket.
3. You hope your 1:1 patient becomes agitated/combative so you have something to do besides stare into space and wait for 12 hours to pass.
2. You are no longer oriented to time and date (much like a good portion of your patients and almost all of your coworkers).
AAAANNNNDDDD. . .
1. You rejoice at one of your nurses telling you “Hey disorderlycna, I need you, my patient just crapped the bed” – because that cleanup event is the ticket out of being sucked into your third sweatyfoleyyeastypannus (TM) bariatric patient Foley insertion event in another room.